The Law of Intentionality – First Law in 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth (John C. Maxwell) – Mind Map


Here is the gist of the first law from 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth by John C. Maxwell. In this Law of Intentionality, author establishes “Personal Growth” is intentional & not accidental.

(Click the image to Enlarge)

The Law of Intentionality

The Law of Intentionality

Techniques to deal with Desires & Wishes


Desires or wishes are nothing but our thoughts that are formed to get worldly items (it can be knowledge, wealth, pleasure, relationship, etc) that we like to acquire one or the other day. To deal with desires, we are using different techniques. Each one has its pros & cons.

Technique of Indulgence – This technique tells “If you have a desire, Go get it.” In that way, you can make sure it will be achievable in your life. Though we get the desire fulfilled immediately but we cannot say surely that it is removed fully.

Technique of Suppression – This technique tells “Whenever a desire comes to your mind, you tell yourself that it is wrong to have the thought”. Though this helps for short period, but it leads to depression. Also, this is the technique used if indulgence is not possible any more or desire cannot be fulfilled by any means.

Technique of Distraction – This technique tells “whenever a desire comes to your mind, distract it with some activity that occupies it”. Again here it helps for a short time. Many people goes to movie just to practice this technique – forget the worries for couple of hours & comes to old status once they come out of movie theatre.

Technique of Sublimation –  This technique tells “whenever a desire comes to your mind, convert it or transform it to a higher level of need (life goal) instead of indulgence or suppression”. We can practice the technique of setting an ultimate goal in mind & reminding it whenever a distracting desire or wish pops up.

Sigmund Freud says “Sublimation is a mature type of defense mechanism where socially unacceptable impulses or idealizations are consciously transformed into socially acceptable actions or behavior, possibly resulting in a long-term conversion of the initial impulse”

Sublimation is when displacement “serves a higher cultural or socially useful purpose, as in the creation of art or inventions” – Wade and Tavris

Though we are practicing all the above techniques in life, Sublimation technique is the best as it is transformational in nature with long-term effect.

Issue – Demystified


 

Every time when I encounter an issue – I think a lot about the issue, lose time, undergo lot of emotional change till I finish it. Once I move it out of my plate, I feel happy and wish not to get a issue like this in my life. But issues in life is not having any end to it and the cycle continues. Today I decided to write my thoughts about issue. Issue is something you feel disruptive when you expected to lead the life in defined routine.

Issue

An issue has a description, root cause, pattern, mindset, its time bound and have solution. Here is a single line explanation about each of those components.

  • For any issue clear description is the key. Well defined issue will get well defined solution
  • Issue is just an effect & every issue has a root cause for it
  • Patterns can be derived if the same issue occurs frequently. Pattern applies to solutions too
  • Size, complexity & situation depends on mindset and not in the issue itself
  • An issue is an issue only for a particular period of time which may diminish or vanish or resurface after sometime
  • Urgency & priority depends on time of the issue occurrence
  • Every issue has solution & there could be multiple solution options for single issue which may be suitable for different situation

Self-Awareness


Self-awareness is:: act of pausing – rewinding past actions – understanding details and finding facts without binding same emotions to it.

How many of us are doing it? 

Most of the time, we are running with the thoughts & emotions. As emotions, feelings, thoughts and actions of current moment occupies our mind completely without a picosecond gap – there is no time to pause and rewind. To bring our mind out of this continuous thinking process & makes it enter into self-awareness search zone – A conscious attempt is required for that.

To Communicate Or Not To Communicate – It is your Choice


Yes. Whether ‘To communicate’ with someone about something OR ‘Not To Communicate’ is your choice. Mindset – The factor that really decides the choice we choose at a given point of time.

Mindset is nothing but ‘Set Mind’. Our brain has a wonderful ability to train and make decisions based on prior experiences. From birth our mind forms cognitive patterns based on information consumed through sensory organs. All those forms of communication signals is then converted into ideas and stored. This process happens every second and even in this process every human develops unique idea about communication & its components also. Everyone of us have our own definition for questions like – what is good communication? what is bad communication? who are all good/bad communicator in my scale? Whom I want to show as my examples? etc.

We show our idea about communication in every communication opportunity we encounter and even train (or fine tune) our ideas based on outcome of current opportunity. At one point of time in life, when we learn our communication is bad, we don’t really take the comments as it is. We try to defend with all our reasoning which I listed earlier post under myths & reasons that ruin communication development.

By the way, removing all negative reasoning in mind with positive reasons in one complete stretch is not possible – but it is possible in step-by-step way. Training of ones own mind & forming an idea (or pattern) requires long time, but once idea formed it is really long time to break that out. That’s why mindset can be termed as ‘Set Mind’.

Getting proper mindset is essential for communication. Now, the main question from you is “So what do you want me to do now?” Here I give just 4 pointers.

1. Rewrite your definition of communication in mind – To rewrite definition of communication, first you need to recollect what do you think about communication, purpose of communication, good and bad communications, different situations you come across in life, outcome of communication opportunity, your fears, your earlier victories, whom do you think good communicator and why. After recollection, write down which are all thing you do different from what you think as good communication – in this step try not to satisfy your mind by giving some reasoning for the deviation between what you think good and what you did as it may take you back to old state only. Remove the myths and restating the purpose of communication often will make the whole process of easing your set mind.

2. Work on deviations – What are you deviations? To you what you want to achieve and what you are currently doing. Main item here are – stage fear and fear due to status difference between you and people whom you like to interact. Most of the self help book on communication talks about it & most of its content deals around anyone of this – rehearsal, boosting confidence by seeing yourself in mirror, correct outfit, eye contact, body language (non verbal), making impact using different tones & powerful words (verbal), don’t be anxious, etc.

3. Make a best choice & right choice – One of the outcome of communication is ‘relationship’. Basic necessity of human race is living in a community which has foundation as good relationship with others. So making right & best choice in every communication opportunity is very important. Communication is like a two-sided sword. Balancing your communication at a given situation is very important to increase your success. Many time our choice not to communicate causes misunderstanding & even spoiled a great opportunity. On the other side, over communicating also create issues. One needs to know when to start when to stop – what to share what not to share. All these comes through experience and need to be consciously controlled by mind.

4. Don’t stop, repeat – If you felt your choice in previous opportunity was bad, don’t stop and stamp yourself as ‘Bad Communicator of the world’. Just go back to step 1 and rewrite your definition once again – work on your difference. Okay – if you felt your choice in previous opportunity is good, don’t stop there you need to repeat the same thing again and again in every opportunity as it gives you right result.

Getting better with Communication


I stopped with a question in last blog post – How can we get strong communication skills?

To analyze further, let us first take a look at general definition of communication:

Definition of Communication: Exchange of information.

Exchange of information has two folds 1) information exchange within the mind (biologically saying inside brain) – i.e. gathering information, selection/rejection of ideas, words, structuring, processing emotions – 2) delivering information to external world. If the first one happens properly then second one also happens without any issue.

Every human processes outside information through 5 major sensory organs. Even internal organs sends information to brain through nervous systems that’s why we feel hunger, pain, sleepiness, etc. Whether you like it or not, brain does information processing throughout the life without any rest. In a day, one needs to talk to himself entire 24 hours & every second. Before delivery of information to external world, brain processes, structures and ques understandable sentences. While you are delivering processed information, brain didn’t stop – it does background processing of some more information or prepares next topic and stack it in the que for delivery. So, it is very important how you process information & what do you think about communication in your mind. Here are few factors that ruin communication skill development:

1. ‘Stranger’ factor – Most of the situations, you may be a stranger in the crowd – you may know one or two people & always try to keep your communication with those whom you know much. You may not approach others because you tend to think that “if I communicate my idea in this group, what do they think about me? Will they not think I am a new person and don’t have any say on this?”. One needs to come out of this cause to excel in communication skill.

2. ‘All those around me know more than what I know’ factor – This factor affects most juniors in organizations. As I mentioned earlier, goal of communication is to clarify or make others know you understood certain things, so one should remove this factor in mind to achieve the goal of communication.

3. ‘Earlier communication was bad’ factor – Whatever be the reason for your previous bad communication, every communication opportunity is new and unique as it happens in completely in different situations (may be with new set of people). If one keep on thinking about earlier bad communication and stay quite then communication skill will never get better. Here I like to share my experience on this factor. Four years back, after writing first few posts in this blog, I got feedback on my poor language handling in those articles. I felt very bad about my communication & even I thought of closing the blog, but I decided to take it as challenge & wanted to improve my communication skill – I posted regular posts and improved it to certain level. Now I reached 148 posts.

Communication is 80% mind (i.e. brain) related and 20% external delivery process. First step towards improving communication skill is to train your brain for better. Let us check how to develop proper mindset for stronger communication in next article post.

Life Leading Quotes – for personal & career life


Past few months I created & referred many quotes in my conversation in social networking sites. I compiled them and provided here as reference for all of us.

Created by Me:

#1 – In any discussion(or conversation),our mind will accept only those thoughts that we believe true to our mind & reject all others as junk.Though consciously we do so,we will still store opponents message in the unconscious mind & validate when an event occurs.

Outcome of the event may strengthen the belief or shakes our belief system which may lead to change in mind – can be exactly opposite to our earlier stands

********

#2 – In health – nothing happens immediately (other than accidents). All are accumulation (or deficiency) of very very minute unnoticeable quantity on daily basis, but things are visible on a day which changes our life after that – example cholesterol, sugar, kidney stones, etc. Why don’t we understand this and avoid on daily basis to get rid of big surprises later?

Though I mentioned it as health, this is applicable for any department in life example – career, character, relationship, etc.

********

#3 – If you want to take a bad name, no need to do big sin.. be a manager.. automatically your name will get spoiled..

i like to share a story of my friend’s friend who is the main inspiration for the above quote.

That guy was a manager some years back. There was organization wide headcount reduction. This guy had 12 reportees & need to cut it to 6. Though he is against this move, but he cannot resist much. When he called people and told them about their departure – that feelings of employee, that feeling of that manager – no need for me to explain here. Repeated question which developer asked is “Why me? You are also part of the process with management & you are biased to this guy.. that guy.. why can’t i stay & send that guy”.. manager guy explained his status and stand on this mgmt move a lot.. but still no believers as the situation is so critical.
After that pain my friend’s friend renounced that position and joined as developer in organization.. he resisted any managerial position there after.. tell me is that is that managers fault of implementing organization policies? Can this be understood by the sacked developers unless they really move to a position of manager? I know still some guys left complain about this event and this manager is in bad pages of those guys..

********

#4 – Ever you do a task very well after saying ‘NO’ at first, people don’t forget about the ‘No’ that you said & feel hurt till the end. Understand that word has more power to win heart.

********

#5 – Ultimate difficulty in life resides in hearing a ‘No’ when you expected ‘Yes’ & vice versa. When we are putting a question across, we need prepare our mind for opposite response to what is expected. We are not doing this at all & getting sadness, angry, frustration, etc.

********

#6 – “Rich gets richer and poor gets poorer” you heard in ‘Sivaji’ movie. It is not because of the fate it is because of the activities they do. If you do right things again and again.. you always tend to get right results hence rich gets richer.. vice versa for poor.. reverse your action in that way reverse your results..

********

#7 – People wants to impress strangers & want to make new friends.. but they take their loved ones’ for granted.. start impressing from your closest circle that will create ripple effect & pay you back…

********

#8 – Doing charity to an old age home without taking care of your old parents in home is worthless..

********

#9 – When you compare with someone do this – character-wise compare with someone having very good character higher than you and try to be that guy.. money-wise compare with someone having less money and get satisfied

********

#10 – Even a very small stone can stop your vision if it is kept very close to your eye. Problems in life are also like that stone. Decide where do you want to keep the problems – near or far?

********

#11 – Your silence in a meeting talks louder than the powerful comments passed. “Speech is silver, Silence is gold” My mom tells this from my childhood.

********

#12 – If two people agreeing in all terms then one is redundant. Conflict is healthy & required for progress

********x********

Frozen Thoughts Magazine:

#1 – Never keep any mementos of sadness. Anything that reminds you of a past that’s not worth remembering, get it out of your life. Collect enough mementos of happiness. Anything that reminds you of a past worth remembering is worth preserving.

********

#2 – Have at least one relationship beyond doubt and judgement, that will liberate you from your worries

********

#3 – Man lives like a ‘victim’. He keeps assuming that he has done ‘sacrifices’ for his family, for his society, for his God. But, everything that unfolds in his life is the result of his ‘choice’. There are no sacrifices. (FT-Jun 11)

********

#4 – The proof of the process is in the results it produces. We need excellence and not explanations. We need results and not reasons. (FT-Jun 11)

********

#5 – While your success depends on what you communicate with others, your happiness depends on what you communicate to yourself.

********x********

Quotes by other popular people:

#1 – There is a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when it’s convenient.When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results. – KEN BLANCHARD, Author One Minute Manager.

********

#2 – When dealing with people, remember that you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotion – Dale Carnegie

********

#3 – Here are some statistics to consider about Emotions: People experience an average of twenty-seven emotions each waking hour. With nearly seventeen waking hours each day, you have about 456 emotional experiences from the time you get up until the time you go to bed. This means that more than 3,000 emotional reactions guide you through each week and more than 150,000 each year!

Of all the emotions you will experience in your lifetime, nearly two million of them will happen during working hours.

It’s no wonder that people who manage emotions well are easier to work with and more likely to achieve what they set out to do (Bradbery and Greaves, 2005).

********

#4 – “Every father should remember that one day his son will follow his example instead of his advice” – unknown

********

#5 – If you perform an activity in the same way again and again, you can expect same results without fail. So don’t blame others for results. This is called – “The Law of Cause and Effect”(Brian Tracy).

********x********